Experience, Dating and Sex.

Have you noticed that dating doesn't mean what it used to?

Ask someone if they are dating and they will generally say 'yes' and then that usually will come with stories of someone they are having sex with. When did it actually dating someone become expecting too much or setting your standards too high? I never knew that wanting to eat dinner or do an activity with someone you don't really know was asking too much. I didn't know it was much more acceptable to meet someone at a bar or party, makeout and have sex with them. I didn't know that sex is how you get to know someone. I know that all the best conversations I have about my life happen during sex. Not. I would like to get to know someone on a personal level before I have sex with them.

Call me old-fashioned. I haven't always been this way. For a long time I was all about free love and doing what your body tells you is right. But look where it left me? Alone and lost at an age where I thought I might be married or have kids. I am not complaining. I love where my life has brought me. I am so appreciative of the lessons I have learned and been able to share but, what was the cost?

After years of going against the grain and refusing serious relationships and things I didn't think I wanted, I have trust issues. Not that people aren't worthy of trust, but am I? Am I going to be worthy of someone's love that might not have had the same experiences as me? Here is what I have come to understand about myself. Everyone has chosen their own path. Everyone is given opportunity. Everyone in their life will take a leap of faith at one time or another. Why not put that faith into someone you can love? Why not give people a chance and get to know them on a personal level? Roll the dice and you may win.

Why as a society have we told men, have all the sex you want? Be a man and be with as many ladies as you can. We glorify 'Ladie's Men', but show me a single empowered woman getting and taking what she wants and she is a whore or a slut. I hate that there is such a double standard. How many people can one sleep with without being judged? What gives anyone the right to judge? Why are we even putting ourselves on a path to be judged?

I would like to see a change. I would like to see people getting to know each other. There is no way that after one night of sex and a week of hanging out you will know you want to be in a relationship. There is no reason to put titles on that. Why not just date, get to know each other and see if you even have anything in common? Are we really such lonely souls, that we need to settle for the first person who shows us a bit of attention?

Relationships these days are lacking. They do not have the genuine love, respect or romance. I want to show and be shown that the relationship we are working at is worthy of our time and energy. I want to sweep someone off their feet. I want to not be afraid that I am going to be seen as too need or clingy, because I want to show you what you are worth to me. I realize that there are boundaries and levels of independence that need to remain intact. In my years of experience, I have accused people of being too needy when all they wanted to do was talk to me! I have had such a warped idea of what I wanted. I couldn't see that what these people were trying to do was build a real connection. I am ultimately sorry to all my failed relationships I accused of being crazy, needy, whiny, creepy or stalker-ish. I now can see all you wanted was a genuine connection. It was ultimately my loss.

My hope is for the future. As cheesy as that may seem, I want to see my friends and family in genuine loving and growing relationships. I want to see fulfillment. I want to meet someone who can't stop smiling just because they are in love with something, anything genuinely. I don't think that is too much to ask for. I am so thankful for the people I currently have in my life circles. They are so positive and assuring. They really bring something into my life and I am glad that more than a fickle friendship, I have real relationships with them.